One of the best bits about the grand new job with the Extremely Esteemed and Respected Institute of Edinburgh is the chance I get to go on lots of courses and seminars being run.
Like the one being held in the big Market Town just up the motorway from Cheesetown!
Yes accountants and interested bodies will be converging to discuss matters of Vital Importance in the reporting of Arcane Facts.
I get to go.
And since the Big Market Town is about 30 miles as the crow flies up the motorway I get a long lie in bed till at least 7am, before driving up the M9. CDs blaring loud enough for me to sing along to.
Yep. That was Plan A.
Time to meet my new boss. Penny. Penny is QUIET - and painfully shy. Why she recruited me from the other applicants God knows, but He isn't telling. Listen.... if everyone stops typing on their PCs long enough you can hear Penny speak....quietly...When she first showed me how to work the photocopier (no really it's password controlled) I thought she was whispering me a State Secret.
I'd make up a sentence with the words "Chalk" and "Cheese" in it to describe us, but I can't be bothered.
Today I found out that Penny is going to the conference too. Except Penny is scared to drive. Seriously scared. So we could share a car?
Oh Oka-ay.. that's a bit of a change in musical direction then.. Maybe no singalong to Primal Scream. At this point I'm still amazed that anyone is more scared of driving than they are of being a passenger in mine.....
But it gets better.
Can I pick her up from her house?
Oh...Oka-ay. Because obviously she is scared to drive, and so taking a bus or public transport to the far and distant Cheesetown is out of the question too.
And where does she live?
Sigh. Guess what. She's scared to drive and so yadda yadda yadda blah. She lives two minutes away from the office. Two minutes walking time from the office.
Yep. This is why I'm now going to be getting up half an hour earlier, so I can drive into Edinburgh in the rush hour, through Tramwork Diversions, then all the way back out again.
PFFFttt.
Obviously I have warned her about the car..
Obviously I have warned her about the great smell of NED wafting around the car.
Nothing can dissuade the woman.
Let's just see how slowly and quietly I can drive the Maz up the M9 huh?
15 March 2010 at 23:15
The quiet ones in cars are dangerous. They're the ones who wind the windows down to give Big Truck Drivers the finger.
16 March 2010 at 07:26
Mr Musgrove - {Still wiping tears of MIRTH from my eyes}... you have made me HOWL outloud with laughter.
16 March 2010 at 09:28
I find quiet women like that very disconcerting. You never know what they really think about anything and they're scared of everything.
I wouldn't want to be stuck in a car with her for the duration.
Mind you, you could look upon it as your civic duty to lead her astray. Now that could be fun. Besides, if she's drunk she won't notice the smell of NED.
16 March 2010 at 12:56
Could you drive off a cliff with her?
Hopefully the job honeymoon period will last a bit longer though.
16 March 2010 at 18:28
Roses - Now you mention it I should have invested in a couple of those miniature Jack Daniels bottles Thelma was so fond of...
Rog - She goes on holiday in a week. That gives the honeymoon period another fortnight then..
16 March 2010 at 20:01
You handled this one very badly Macy.
It's not too late - if she talks so quietly you could say that you thought she was going to pick YOU up. Otherwise it could be time for the MOT to run out or the big end to blow.
16 March 2010 at 21:17
Do you reckon you'll find Brad Pitt near the M9? Knowing it as I do, I doubt it, but you can always hope.
17 March 2010 at 06:37
Kaz - You're right... lack of backbone here is phenomenal. My only excuse is that she caught me on the backfoot.
And she'll be writing my appraisal next year...
Mme DeF - If only! Ideally I'd be able to time travel back to Brad's youthful peak of perfection too!
19 March 2010 at 12:00
How did it go? Have you managed not to smack her head against the dashboard in frustration with her wimpy self?
Actually, that's probably what I'd want to do. As you're a nicer person than I, I'm sure you were very patient with her.
19 March 2010 at 19:11
Yes: enquiring minds want to know.
(My money's on her having taught you all the naughty verses of 'Eskimo Nell')
19 March 2010 at 20:55
Roses - Spookily apt you were about the quiet ones...
Mr Musgrove - Didn't get much of a chance to even join in the chorus..