Internet dating?? Oh yes... OK, but just because I'd been nagged into internet dating, didn't mean that all standards were going to be dropped.  Just because Ange from the office said I should do something, didn't mean I should do anything, so to speak. 

And because I didn't have hours to spend on this nonsense I came up with a very efficient filtering system: behold. The following were vetoed outright

  • Any candidate without a photo.  Because, call me cynical, but there must be a reason for that..... and  a pig in a poke doesn't appeal
  • Anyone without witty banter.  
  • Any candidate who posted pictures of himself doing yoga poses (oh yes... this man is out there.  And for those interested the photos change regularly)
  • Anyone who is currently "separated"  Because my guess is that you're not - at least mentally - yet.
  • Perversely anyone who is single with no kids  Because what would it say about anyone if they got to their fifth decade without one single meaningful human relationship? This is going to change now?
  • Any adult using text speak.  Just coz.  lols
  • Any man wanting to meet at "lady".  For this bepeaks a quiant atittude methinks. Hey.  It's my rules.
  • Anyone who is teetotal.  Because I'm not.  And the idea of sitting through evenings where I'm "allowed" to drink has zero appeal.
  • Anyone who smokes.  Because, I'm sorry I just can't anymore.
  • Anyone who can't string more than three sentences together to describe himself.
  • Anyone who is looking for "loyalty" in a woman.  I sense control issues a mile off here.
  • Anyone who isn't solvent enough to buy a round
  • Very importantly, anyone I couldn't imagine wanting to sit next to.  For I am superficial and looks matter. Not my looks obviously...
The results of this filtering were unsurprising. There was no suitable candidate within 300 miles of Cheesetown.

The second bit of bad news was that the Only Candidate was living just outside Manchester and didn't want a long distance relationship.

Lesser women would have given up.