No, really! It's possible! I've just done it! You really can book a holiday by accident.
Watch this....here's the recipe..
Start with one large part of self pity. O poor wee me.. used to travel, used to do stuff.. stuck here, best years of my life ebbing out. blah blah and yadda. Don't have any self pity? Have some of mine. No really. I've got plenty..
OK now add alcohol to the self pity. White wine always works for me, but apparently whisky or gin is quicker....
While you're waiting for the alcohol to kick in, fire up the PC and start trawling through a cheap travel website.
You'll find it. You'll find the holiday which is
(a) unbelievably cheap
(b) actually still on offer during the school holidays
(c) somewhere new, and unexplored, and somewhere you should see
(d) really, really, cheap.
You can always find these holidays when Under the Influence.
No. I have no idea why you can't find them when sober.
Now for the last and final piece of the jigsaw, what you really need is to live near to a provincial airport *, an airport which has so few direct flights to anywhere interesting that finding a direct flight to my cheap holiday destination of choice means that I Have To Click. This is a sign! I am destined! I can do this!
See. Just bought a holiday by accident.
Last minute....
To Naples.
NAPLES????
*Don't tell Alec, but Edinburgh International is a wee bit provincial
Watch this....here's the recipe..
Start with one large part of self pity. O poor wee me.. used to travel, used to do stuff.. stuck here, best years of my life ebbing out. blah blah and yadda. Don't have any self pity? Have some of mine. No really. I've got plenty..
OK now add alcohol to the self pity. White wine always works for me, but apparently whisky or gin is quicker....
While you're waiting for the alcohol to kick in, fire up the PC and start trawling through a cheap travel website.
You'll find it. You'll find the holiday which is
(a) unbelievably cheap
(b) actually still on offer during the school holidays
(c) somewhere new, and unexplored, and somewhere you should see
(d) really, really, cheap.
You can always find these holidays when Under the Influence.
No. I have no idea why you can't find them when sober.
Now for the last and final piece of the jigsaw, what you really need is to live near to a provincial airport *, an airport which has so few direct flights to anywhere interesting that finding a direct flight to my cheap holiday destination of choice means that I Have To Click. This is a sign! I am destined! I can do this!
See. Just bought a holiday by accident.
Last minute....
To Naples.
NAPLES????
*Don't tell Alec, but Edinburgh International is a wee bit provincial
13 February 2012 at 21:05
Reminds me of Withnail & I "We've gone on holiday by mistake"!
13 February 2012 at 21:13
LX - It's exactly like Withnail & I! Except that, what with the Cherub being the younger, fresh faced one that would make me Withnail...which is obviously not right
13 February 2012 at 21:23
See Naples and die? Naah, you'll love it. Just remember not to believe traffic lights. Or men.
13 February 2012 at 21:25
How is it that I always spend too much money when Under the Influence and clicking away on Google, then? I'd love to have accidentally bought a remarkably cheap holiday in Naples.
13 February 2012 at 22:07
Napoli? Brava! One Italian city I've never been to, but I'm told it's well worth a visit.
Just make sure you don't drink too much while you're there and find some very handsome Italian guy persuaded you to smuggle £50,000 worth of heroin back to the UK.
13 February 2012 at 22:41
I am incredibly jealous. A cheap holiday that you found under the influence?! Fantastic.
We expect a blow by blow blogging...unless you get seduced by a handsome Italian with a duffle that must be delivered to his Uncle Tony in Edinburgh. At which point I'll start a fund for your legal fees.
13 February 2012 at 22:57
Tim - Yeah the advance billing isn't the greatest...
Z - Yay! And the flights are with British Airways and everything! I'll get a seat on the plane and won't have to pay extra for the toilet...
Nick - Only there for two days mind you... which doesn't leave a lot of time for meeting dodgy men...
Roses - Ha! Any handsome italian man buying me drink is by definition suspicious!!
14 February 2012 at 03:43
Your image of Naples is quite Asian. Any way, don't drink too much and enjoy your trip, and thank you for your comment on my blog, Macy.
14 February 2012 at 07:39
Just as long as you learn a few handy Italian phrases before you go, you'll be ok. Like "pinch my bum again and die, sunshine" for starters....
14 February 2012 at 07:45
Haricot - Thank you. After the warnings from Nick and Roses though I'll be moderate....
Curry Queen - Excellent plan! Though for bum pinching I think a slap on the face is traditional?
14 February 2012 at 09:05
Macy, be my valentine! [mmmwwwaaahhh]
14 February 2012 at 10:52
They invented pizza there.
14 February 2012 at 11:37
It's decades since I saw Naples and Die(a small island)and then it was a place to be very careful i.e. don't hang on to your shoulder bag when a Vespa sneaks up behind you in a narrrow alley. Hopefully all is OK now but be watchful Macy.
14 February 2012 at 12:54
Our eBay business could do with more customers like yourself Macy.
14 February 2012 at 14:45
Well you can't go wrong with Italy, no matter what dubious means it took to stumble across it. :) And Naples is near Capri which is where all the well to do, rich mofos go, like my ex boss who couldn't tie his own shoelaces without help. Imagine the damage a capable person like yourself could do in a place like that! HUH?
14 February 2012 at 17:56
How exciting!! looking forward to the blog post.....and hold on to your ha'penny when you're there.x
14 February 2012 at 18:53
LX - MWAH!!!! Can you believe you're the first today????
Mr Mago - They did, they did, and I have the address of the best pizzeria in the whole of Naples! Though apparently they only do two types of pizza because they are so good and you can't improve on perfection...
Pat - I love the idea of saying I went to see Naples and Die... And it'll be too cold for vespas. I have faith in this...
Rog - Many, many e-bay outlets have already had the pleasure....I think it's actually cheaper if I stick to travel sites.
Ms Veg! - How YOU doing? Do you want to call ahead to Capri and warn them? Or will I just turn up d'ye think?
Libby - After all the warnings, maybe I'll just hope for a boring blog entry....
14 February 2012 at 20:11
*jealous*
enjoy :)
14 February 2012 at 22:23
You do realise, btw, that pizza originated in Naples, in particular the Pizza Margherita? If you can't get a decent pizza in Naples, there's something seriously wrong....
Wordcheck: Knobjug. Come again?
14 February 2012 at 22:34
Speccy - SMUG! :)
Nick - Exactly! The best pizza in the world is apparently sold two streets away from our hotel!
Sorry about the WV...must be a Valentines thing...
18 February 2012 at 15:24
Seriously though, have a brilliant time.
But pizza...in Naples....yummy, yummy, yummy!
18 February 2012 at 19:37
How long are you there for? Try and take a day trip to Pompeii. Bit of culture and you can laugh at the fresco of the bloke (or is it a god?) with the big willy.
22 February 2012 at 20:53
I endorse Pat's warning: a Scots friend of mine has a framed crime report hanging on the wall in the hall like a school certificate and the police sergeant's comment about her "excellent Italian" highlighted.
23 February 2012 at 10:40
You're supposed to see it and die, aren't you. But not at the same time, I hope :)
Enjoy it though!
23 February 2012 at 17:46
Naples is nice, but not Nice. (Actually I haven't been to Naples so I have no idea) Our friends thought they booked to San Jose, south America but flew to San Jose in the Bay Area, california which is NOT a tourist destination unless you're a computer