It's been a whole month now.. count them. THIRTY ONE DAYS. Thirty one days and twenty three hours if you want to be really pathetic.
Since my last cigarette.
What's even sadder, is I never even knew it was my last cigarette. Nope, no last lingering goodbye, no long consideration of how it felt, no specific memories. Just a quick stub out before I headed off to the doctors... to be unceremoniously bounced through A&E, into a medical assessment unit.
The Cherub thoughtfully disposed of my remaining fags whilst I was incarcerated. That boy knows more than he lets on...
I thought it would be easier. It should be easier. Before my wee sojourn in A&E I was down to five a day.
Sigh.... not that five a day
This five a day...
Five a day is nothing. I shouldn't be missing it. What's to miss? After a month I should be full of the joys of having more money, enjoying the return of taste and smell and not smelling like an ashtray and yadda yadda yadda.
After a month I should be complaining about the smokers huddled outside doorways, instead of inhaling deeply as I walk past them....
Here's the news. I miss it. I miss smoking from the bottom of my stinky wee nictoine stained heart. I miss the things we used to do together, I miss the breakfasts, and the evenings, and the drinks we had together. A lot of my better memories involve firing up.
No I'm not going to give in. I can't do this to Dr Jacobs, and The Cherub, and all the others I promised.
I'm not a complete mug.
But bear with me whiles I miss my old pal won't you?
Since my last cigarette.
What's even sadder, is I never even knew it was my last cigarette. Nope, no last lingering goodbye, no long consideration of how it felt, no specific memories. Just a quick stub out before I headed off to the doctors... to be unceremoniously bounced through A&E, into a medical assessment unit.
The Cherub thoughtfully disposed of my remaining fags whilst I was incarcerated. That boy knows more than he lets on...
I thought it would be easier. It should be easier. Before my wee sojourn in A&E I was down to five a day.
This five a day...
Five a day is nothing. I shouldn't be missing it. What's to miss? After a month I should be full of the joys of having more money, enjoying the return of taste and smell and not smelling like an ashtray and yadda yadda yadda.
After a month I should be complaining about the smokers huddled outside doorways, instead of inhaling deeply as I walk past them....
Here's the news. I miss it. I miss smoking from the bottom of my stinky wee nictoine stained heart. I miss the things we used to do together, I miss the breakfasts, and the evenings, and the drinks we had together. A lot of my better memories involve firing up.
No I'm not going to give in. I can't do this to Dr Jacobs, and The Cherub, and all the others I promised.
I'm not a complete mug.
But bear with me whiles I miss my old pal won't you?
7 June 2011 at 15:26
My hero Allen Carr (not the gurning comic but this one helped lever me off a 25 year 30 a day habit about 20 years ago.
"The Easy Way to Give Up Smoking" was a really sensible, supportive and logical aid to getting off it - get the peperback and read it whenever you fancy a puff. There's no logic to spending £30 a week to kill yourself so the logic card wins through every time.
I come from the days when there was a small huddled band of miserable staff huddled outside office buildings - and that was the NON smokers!
Good luck and well done Macy.
7 June 2011 at 15:43
Macy, you have my sympathies. I quit just a little over four months ago. Nothing as dramatic as your experience! -- just stopped. Still have three cigs in a pack out on my porch.
I would smoke them, but I can't.
I quit.
:-)
Still miss one whilst drinking, though...
Pearl
7 June 2011 at 18:13
Well done...keep it up.
7 June 2011 at 19:27
That must be hard. Especially when you've had to give up so suddenly without any kind of psychological run-up. Can't give you any advice though, I've never been a smoker.
7 June 2011 at 22:57
Rog - Well done you for giving up even before fags were nearly eight shillings EACH!
Pearl - A whole THREE left, but you're not smoking them... you're the one with willpower obviously.
Libby - See whgat I did? I can't give up now I've put it on my blog...
Nick - Lucky, lucky you! Seriously!
7 June 2011 at 23:25
Congratulations on your steadfastness.
8 June 2011 at 01:04
Ms Blackwater - I'd better be looking back and laughing about all this in ten years time, that's all I'm saying...
8 June 2011 at 07:46
From one quitter to another...mahusive hugs to you!
Rog is right, Allen Carr is very helpful.
As you know I spent the first part of this year giving up and going back. I finally cracked it when I could see myself properly as a non-smoker, not just an ex-smoker.
Even if you give in, you have the best reason in the world to become a non-smoker: Cherub.
8 June 2011 at 09:37
Roses - You've got it in one! Somehow I need to see myself as a proper non smoker rather than a non smoker. Trouble is imagining a non sanctimonious non smoker.....
Do you think we could point out to those people waving nasty smoke away from them in beer gardens, that they're spoiling the image of non smokers for those of us trying to give up???
Congratulations on your own giving up btw!
8 June 2011 at 10:07
Sigh. I can feel how much you miss it. It's funny how some things become part of our routine; our history.
The littlest things; a smile from your lover every morning, a cigarette during coffee.
We manage =)
Kane
8 June 2011 at 11:13
Hey, what a wonderful achievement---getting down to 5 was a great thing--you almost got there, but now, why not.
I'm kind of hoping for a friend with MS moving in for a while---she will cut me right down and maybe I can go from there----and really, I know that I dont enjoy every cigarette that I light---probably only 5 a day---
Hey, great reasons---Cherub, money, health, fitness, Ned---yes, Ned---he really didn't enjoy your smokes on your walks
8 June 2011 at 15:09
I gave up for two years... then started again. I used to eat sultanas whenever I got a craving... I think it was their tarry texture.
Good luck, sweetie.
Sx
12 June 2011 at 03:41
Well done and good luck to you with it.
You need a new vice. Like standing on street corners and pointing at cars (that seems very popular round here lately)
13 June 2011 at 12:22
Macy, hang on in there. There's an award for you over on my blog - sorry it's not a packet of fags!
14 June 2011 at 21:40
Damn. If I lived down the road I could do some groovy NLP on you, help you see yourself as the fabulous non-smoker you are, rather than the ex-smoker you feel you are.
Wah!!!
Plus, we could go to the pub, have some *red wine* (better for your heart) and mock the smokers.
16 June 2011 at 10:45
Nice article, thanks for the information.
17 June 2011 at 16:51
You are doing brilliantly - well done!
Any day now you'll notice your skin getting pinker and realise your throat isn't clogged with phlegm and a calm is descending.
I stopped in '77 after an expensive but lovely visit to a health farm and I was too mean to waste the benefit. The worst part was the remorse I felt after dreaming I had smoked. I hadn't.
Revel in the benefits. The craving does go eventually
17 June 2011 at 18:33
Wylye Girl - Woo! An AWARD. That'll teach me to not look at my blog for a week....
*sound of door Mace rushing off to Wylye's*
Roses - Even better... we could inhale as we pass the smokers....
Sewa - Nice comment thanks for the update
Pat - I am currently revelling in the extra money