Like every other S2 kid in Scotland, the Cherub is being taught a European language - presumably all the better to make new friends abroad when our wee nayshun state finally devolves from the union.
Luckily the Cherub's other language is French; having managed to work my way through a first level degree course, I can help with the revision.

His next class conversation will be about his family (what is it about Q'Ferry High and their obsession with families?? chiz). He has noted down some phrases which will be useful. He has been memorising them.

Ned is a dog Ned est un chien
I live in Cheesetown. J'habite Cheeseville
My father is dead. Mon pere est mort
I have an uncle and granny in New Zealand J'ai un oncle et grandmere en Nouvelle-Zelande.
My mother is boring....Ma mere est WHAT???? What am I? WHAT???
Shrugs, "Couldn't think of any other word..."

Couldn't think of any other word? What about gorgeous, funny, talkative, sweet, smart? Huh? How can you describe your mum, her that can beat you at Mario Kart, her that can tell the difference between Dr Dre and G Unit, her that drives the wee Penelope Pitstop car as fast as possible BORING?????

Another shrug [he thinks he can get away with this....] Well I didn't have long to think...

But it's too late, High Dugeon has been reached. I am not my mother's daughter for nothing...
Cheeses, I'm still lukewarm gossip around here after moving to Glasgow with the Dybbuk!!! Then heading back three years later !!

I'm enjoying this immensely actually. Pots and pans are rattling as I get the dinner together.

Could have mentioned I am POOR BUT HAPPY
Could have said I have travelled widely
Could even have said I AM A GREAT SINGER
Heh heh yeah RIGHT
Could have said I am super fabby wonderful stylish...
OK OK you're not boring! Look.
Ma mere est dramatique

Drama queen? Yeah. Good one. I'll settle for drama queen.