Because it's good to have PLANS.

Not that I've always been good at them mind you; big changes yes. In past lives I've been known to announce I was going travelling around Asia and NZ because I'd met W...later I sold up in London to move up to Edinburgh because I fancied a change and there were a lot of real ale pubs in Edinburgh. A later mid life crisis had me selling up from Edinburgh to migrate back to Glasgow... then back again... All those have been without plans...


This big change will be different though. Behold. I am planning it!

Early planning stages started last winter, when I decided that enough was enough, and most people in the world didn't have to live through miserable east coast winters. Canadians and Russians and all those fun loving Scandinavians yes. Rest of the world no. And walking the dog in sidelong sleet and rain in the dark for months on end wasn't making me a better person.
It was pissing me off.

By January I had identified a country where there was no sleet.
Even better I could speak to the locals, and claim the right to reside and work.
AND it's got faster broadband than Cheesetown.
What's not to love about New Zealand?

Step one. Register the Cherub as a NZ citizen - his dad was, so he is.

Step two. .. work on all those lovely new NZ contacts I'm meeting through the E.E.R.I.E

Step 3 - I'll keep you all informed now.
I am, frankly, a genius.

There I was, this morning, stuck in the car and trying to blank out the soundbite from David Cameron. As you do if you remember how popular single mothers were with the tories last time around.

{Oh yes Dave, I've noticed your intention to pay people to be married.
And don't think I'm not taking it personally.}

But I digress. His Hon Cameron made the astounding claim (this morning 7:45 on radio 2 if you want to check) that


"The voters are literally still swinging today".

Erm literally Dave??? Like not metaphorically undecided, but literally swinging??

That's right, according to the leader of the opposition, voters near me are currently tied by their ankles and swinging like pendulums, stuck on swings in playgrounds, or (hivvens!!!) swinging with other swingers

Could be the Tories just lost the pedant vote.

What can I say? Did I ever say I could never fall in love again??

If I'd been honest I'd have admitted this upfront. I have had my eye on this one for over a year now...Let's quote those great Cheesetown locals the Proclaimers
"First time I saw you it did cross my mind..
The next time I saw you there wasn't the time..."

But I have been otherwise occupied you know: circumstances didn't allow.

But now...
Since April 21st in fact...Yeah. It's love. I recognise the signs. Right now I'm in the first stages of complete infatuation. Those long evenings together, the nights, planing for the future. Nothing else matters....

Which isn't to say we haven't had our wee disagreements. But they're wee disagreements; nothing fundamental, because my baby is almost practically perfect.

Sigh

We have been invited to the Hospice's Children's Day! Or rather the Cherub has. Yes, the hospice has a memorial day each year, when they commemorate those who have passed through their doors, and onwards, leaving kids behind.

A fun event indeed.

I've checked that (i) there will be other teenagers there, and (ii) that yes, it was parent they lost**
And I've thought hard about this. On the one hand, why upset the the Cherub? Why not let him carry on as he is? not mentioning his dad, avoiding places they went together, and pretending it hasn't happened.... W himself specifically did not want me dragging the kid to visit his grave. Well sorry W, you didn't get a grave...

So we're off for a morning of making of commemorative picture frames, sand memory bottles and dream catchers.

Before leaving we have to choose a picture of W that the Cherub can use. This is the start of the tears. Is this a good thing? Is this a bad thing? Hell's teeth, how am I supposed to know??? I'm on my own here.. I'm ad libbing you know. But the Cherub is emphatic that he doesn't want to remember his dad as "this old wheezing guy.. one of the NHS's failures..."
I reassure him that we're going to find a photo of him looking like the good-looking, cool guy he really was..
And that's just the start of it.

The event is being run by Wee Mary. Remember Wee Mary? The Social Worker that W hated? The one he walked out of meetings with??? The one.. well the one that I personally can't see the point of either....except well I had more time to suffer fools than he had.

Dealing with the living as opposed to the terminally ill, Wee Mary is in her element. As a dog, Ned is Not Admitted. Wee Mary has to put up with animals when they belong to patients; without this compassion problem, She can Make Her Own Rules.
As late arrivals the Cherub and I need to sit in our allotted seats, i.e. not the ones we were already sitting in. Can we make sure we are wearing our name badges, can we hurry and finish as we are starting the next activity; no the Cherub cannot have a second piece of shortbread..

Throughout the morning I am having trouble with the constant old lady fussiness of the woman. We are chemical opposites and there's nothing I can do about it. And yet, and yet, and yet, how else better to remember W's spirit? If he's here, he's feeling my exasperation.

Again the Cherub has his own unique take on the situation, "Maybe if we didn't have to be different all the time, we wouldn't have such bad luck"

Well he can talk the talk that boy - but he can't walk the wal. Check out his memory jar with the message "You never could beat me at Timesplitters LOL"


**Obviously a granny or grandpa can be no fun to lose either, but sorry, it's not the same as a parent.

I am a fantastic prevaricator. The STUFF I mean to do but don't get round to is nobody's business; God knows I'm brilliant at starting lists of things to do then LOSING them. If you ever want a hundred reasons NOT to do anything.. I'm your girl.
Or I was.
This week I have not only found a lawyer, but actually made an appointment, and gone there.

In the same week.

Yes. I'm updating my will.
W featured in my last one. Since he isn't likely to collect now, and the Cherub is down to one parent I thought there was no point putting this off any longer.
I thought it would be easy.

And the standard stuff is easy. Who gets what. Well who do you think??? Which charities benefit if both the Cherub and I are wiped out in the same cataclysmic event. It's a no brainer - Enjoy Teenage Cancer Trust!!
Then it got much tougher. My lawyer moved on to checking how the Cherub will be provided for, who will be his guardian, his trustees.. It was when we got to the details of whether he could stay in his own home that my new lawyer had to go into the next room for her box of tissues.
So that's what I was doing last week; howling my way through a family box of Kleenex.

And cursing W

Yeah - thanks for leaving me with this one W! Stroll on out and leave me to sort this mess out why don't you!