You know I blame Dr Jacobs for my depression. Thinking on it, I was all ready to write this post after my angiogram - except I never got round to it.
Depression, see? Dr Jacobs, all five feet four of him was the trigger.
I must be getting better because I'm writing it now...
So there I was, lying on my hospital trolley waiting to get wheeled into the theatre for my angiogram. I was chatting to Dr Jacobs, my cardiologist. It was Dr Jacobs who had been my consultant in hospital.
Dr Jacobs it was who first argued that yes actually I had had a heart attack, and since he was the doctor I was staying in hospital.
Dr Jacobs it was who had insisted that I stay in bed only to later catch me coming back from the outpatients shop.
Dr Jacobs it was, who had negotiated a deal that I am allowed out of bed but was to stay on the third floor; only to meet me at the front door inhaling next to the smokers...I wasn't Dr Jacobs easiest patient - and that's saying something seeing's how most of his other ladies were elderly and demented.
But we were still on speaking terms. Think of him as a wee man who likes a challenge.
Whilst incarcerated in St James' I'd argued strongly that I had get out asap - because there is only me for the Cherub. When I lost that battle, I then fought a further battle not to be transferred to the Royal because as his father's last hospital, this does not have good associations for the Cherub. Dr Jacobs then knew some of the past history.
So there we were stuck in the ante room to the theatre, since the procedure scheduled before me was running late. I was musing on how it was typical that he Doctor with a grudge was the one scheduled to put a large knitting needle into my right arm. He was giving me inside gossip on the other medical staff and Nicola Sturgeon's last visit to St James'. When he said
"So Macy, how long's it been? Have you really never been out with someone else since W died?"
Eh? Try running that one past me when it's not completely out of left field....
Did I look girlishly out from under my long dewy eye lashes, before completing my Jenifer Aniston impersonation by sighing and asking sweetly if he was offering?
Nope
Did I sit straight up and as him if he thought such a question was entirely in keeping with the General Medical Council's Ethical Guidelines?
Sadly not.
Or did I collapse into an incoherent lachrymose heap? "OhnoohgodnoI'notgoingthroughallthatagain {SOB} Ohgodohnoohjustthethoughtofevenevenbotheringofeventrying tofindsmalltalkofeven ..shit... Idnon'tknow..whatyougoingtodo? Icouldn't....{SOB}Ohgodsorry{SNIFF} OgodIdon'tknowwhereallthisiscomingfrom{NOSEBLOW}
Yeah. That'll be Dr Jacobs dealing a knockout blow in the final round then....
Depression, see? Dr Jacobs, all five feet four of him was the trigger.
I must be getting better because I'm writing it now...
So there I was, lying on my hospital trolley waiting to get wheeled into the theatre for my angiogram. I was chatting to Dr Jacobs, my cardiologist. It was Dr Jacobs who had been my consultant in hospital.
Dr Jacobs it was who first argued that yes actually I had had a heart attack, and since he was the doctor I was staying in hospital.
Dr Jacobs it was who had insisted that I stay in bed only to later catch me coming back from the outpatients shop.
Dr Jacobs it was, who had negotiated a deal that I am allowed out of bed but was to stay on the third floor; only to meet me at the front door inhaling next to the smokers...I wasn't Dr Jacobs easiest patient - and that's saying something seeing's how most of his other ladies were elderly and demented.
But we were still on speaking terms. Think of him as a wee man who likes a challenge.
Whilst incarcerated in St James' I'd argued strongly that I had get out asap - because there is only me for the Cherub. When I lost that battle, I then fought a further battle not to be transferred to the Royal because as his father's last hospital, this does not have good associations for the Cherub. Dr Jacobs then knew some of the past history.
So there we were stuck in the ante room to the theatre, since the procedure scheduled before me was running late. I was musing on how it was typical that he Doctor with a grudge was the one scheduled to put a large knitting needle into my right arm. He was giving me inside gossip on the other medical staff and Nicola Sturgeon's last visit to St James'. When he said
"So Macy, how long's it been? Have you really never been out with someone else since W died?"
Eh? Try running that one past me when it's not completely out of left field....
Did I look girlishly out from under my long dewy eye lashes, before completing my Jenifer Aniston impersonation by sighing and asking sweetly if he was offering?
Nope
Did I sit straight up and as him if he thought such a question was entirely in keeping with the General Medical Council's Ethical Guidelines?
Sadly not.
Or did I collapse into an incoherent lachrymose heap? "OhnoohgodnoI'notgoingthroughallthatagain {SOB} Ohgodohnoohjustthethoughtofevenevenbotheringofeventrying tofindsmalltalkofeven ..shit... Idnon'tknow..whatyougoingtodo? Icouldn't....{SOB}Ohgodsorry{SNIFF} OgodIdon'tknowwhereallthisiscomingfrom{NOSEBLOW}
Yeah. That'll be Dr Jacobs dealing a knockout blow in the final round then....
16 July 2011 at 16:23
This Dr Jacobs....is he cute? or does he have a cute brother/uncle/son?...maybe he was thinking what a catch you would be for someone..........so take care of yourself!
16 July 2011 at 16:56
Oh bless.
No wonder you really got where I was coming from the other day.
*sigh*
I agree. Let's blame Dr Jacobs. I do. Wholeheartedly.
16 July 2011 at 17:28
Libby - Ha! The first ten minutes of my Zelda Fitzgerald impersonation as I sniffled into a succession of soggy tissues would have been enough to change his mind...
Roses - Your blog has been touching some nerves recently. I might expand on this at risk of infringing copyright on your blog.
16 July 2011 at 20:01
I'm sorry, I don't mean to make things raw.
Do expand. Infringe away.
In a way, it's reasurring that it's not just me feeling like this.
It's very reasurring.
16 July 2011 at 20:33
Oh my. How dreadful.
He took your mind right off the procedure though, didn't he?
Still completely wrong and worthy of all the blame.
17 July 2011 at 03:28
Doc Jacobs knows his shit, he just wanted yer heart working!
17 July 2011 at 09:34
Roses - "Say it with Roses" is in draft form right now. Watch this space....
Barb - I think he's learning tact the hard (Macy) way. Mind you, he probably doesn't ususally get this overreaction when he asks about his patients' private lives.
63mago - Hmmm, tissues at the ready here comes Dr Jacobs again...
17 July 2011 at 10:11
He fancies you. Tis obvious.
Sx
17 July 2011 at 10:56
Scarlet - ahahahahahahheeheeheee HO! Heeheehee. Because no one rocks a hospital gown like I do!
Heehee heehee snicker...LOL
17 July 2011 at 11:53
Just think how much fun you can have playing doctors and nurses!
17 July 2011 at 11:58
Is he cute?
Remember, you're fragile. Not dead from the neck down.
17 July 2011 at 12:03
Unless it was something that you had made mention of during a prior consultation, it actually seems like a totally inappropriate question for a professional at anytime----
Well unless he had discovered a cobweb or two in a prior physical examination or there is some correlation between angina and a rhyming piece of female anatomy.
Hey, it is nobody's business--you may not be ready, or you may be ready but unsure of yourself---whatever, you will live your life in your own time at your own pace---one of the ladies at work used to shut people up by saying "oh, I have a little man in once a month"
17 July 2011 at 20:41
Roses! You've been on dates with a surgeon no less...(this is getting beyond spooky)
Oh and my bad, did I mention he was married? His wife works abroad....
Clyde - Yeah defintely awkward. Don't think he'll repeat his mistake!
17 July 2011 at 21:27
Hi Macy, I've invited you to take part in the Seven Links Project - only if you want to and only if you have time. Details on my blog. Take care and listen to Dr Jacobs! (Is his name Adam by the way? It came up on my word verification - that could be a sign you know!)
17 July 2011 at 23:33
Yes, The Surgeon and I have started dating. We'll see. I'm not getting over-excited yet.
No, you didn't mention he was married. In that case, leave well enough alone.
But actually, remembering you're fragile and not dead from the neck down, can be very comforting.
A subtle reminder: you're not dead from the neck down!
18 July 2011 at 17:04
Dude. Next time, this can all be avoided if you just FLASH THE MAN YOUR TITS. Then maybe HE'LL have a heart attack and you can put knitting needles in HIS arm.
OK one shouldn't joke about such matters but, still. When did I ever do what I was supposed to.
P.S. You rebel.