I drafted this one yesterday morning.

Pam: Hello dear! It's Pam! Pam Goldie! Your mum's friend!

Macy: Oh hi! Pam! (I'm on beta blockers now.  I should listen to see if my heart makes a different noise when it sinks....) How you doing?

Pam: Oh mustn't grumble at my age dear! Macy pet, I'm phoning about your mum! I think mum's getting a bit confused!

Macy: Oh Pam, I know, I know..(hell Pam, I was the one who phoned you a couple of months back for this very reason). What's been happening?

Pam Well she's had a fall, dear. I can't understand what's happened.  Apparently the gardener found her and brought her into the house. And now she's in bed. But she says it's only a sore arm.

My mother most definitely does not have a gardener.. she may or may not have a sore arm, but we definitely don't have the full story here.

Pam: I mean I got her on the phone this evening, but she doesn't want any visitors. But she was saying you've been to see her dear?

Macy: Not this week Pam.  I haven't been over since I dropped you both off for your coach tour.  That was a fortnight ago.

Pam: I thought that dear! But she says she's seen you and you're getting her shopping for her! And you know she's not been to the doctor about this! And the nurse who was looking after the dressing on her leg seems to have been on holiday. I don't know what's happening but her leg's not getting any better either.

Macy Pam, she hasn't even picked up the phone messages I left. I was starting to worry...

Pam And she is confused dear! I mean she was getting up at four in the morning on holiday you know because she didn't want to be late for breakfast!

Macy Pam, I'll be over tomorrow.

Pam Oh that's good Macy.  Don't tell mum I phoned will you? She'll be so cross again.

My mother lives only an half an hour north of Glasgow.  Cheesetown is, however, an hour away from Glasgow.  Looking on the bright side, though, I'll have a good hour and a half in the car to think up a reason for my "just dropping in"....