It's a cry from the heart and it's going out to the British Broadcasting Corporation who are issuing heatwave warnings every hour on the radio and the rest of the allegedly national news media

OK? OK??

Ice cream shortages?
Water rationing?

Tell it to someone who cares.
Do a reality check with us up here north of Carlisle will you?

My mother's had her central heating on for the past week, and the dog is frankly getting depressed at the thought of any more walks...