Yes, for it is a little known fact that I am indeed the furstdottir of the furstdottir of the seers of Hamilton. And although I have, till now, been focused on the world of commerce, I do indeedy have the power of second sight.
Here, since it's the first day of a new decade already, are my predictions for the coming decade. You read it here first.
By 2012 sightings of George Clooney will be reported around the Cheesetown area. The noted international playboy actor being photographed walking a Border Collie by the name of NED. Repeated requests for interviews from Grazia and Hello magazines with him and his new companion Macy are turned down flat.
Rumours that Brangelina are to adopt the Cherub are proved groundless; they were just visiting George and his new pals at the Cheesetown Bowling Club.
The landslide election of the TORY party in Britain leads inevitably to a Declaration of Unilateral Independence on the part of North Britain. A moat is dug as north Britain secedes from the union. Unfortunately Alex Salmond is trampled underfoot in the last minute rush north.
Sparkle's new holistic art centre continues to draw widespread acclaim as artists and writers flock worldwide. Inspired by his time there, Christo announces a new project - he will wrap the Forth Bridge in tartan ribbon.
A major row breaks out as the new North British government announces plans to nationalise all royal palaces and castles. These are to be turned into luxurious old folks homes, with a staff ratio of not less than 3 staff to each pensioner. Conversion costs are to be funded by the Fred Goodwin Philanthropic Fund
As the pace of climate change continues unabated, North Britain becomes used to four months of deep snow and endless balmy summers. The economy booms through the export of water south and the manufacturing of solar powered skis.
Towards the end of the decade, scientists (Scottish, natch) will finally understand the meaning of the 5th dimension - and develop a means of transporting individuals back through our apparently linear time. Macy and Cherub will be first to be transported back to the first days of our millennium, bearing with them details of the New Cure for Cancer....
Which, by clever sleight of time travel means that I can safely predict in 2010 that there will be no deaths from cancer in 2009.
Ha! I know.. I know...but nobody understood Nostradamus or the Brahanseer in their time either.
1 January 2010 at 16:31
Can't wait to see the Christo tartan wrap.
I don't suppose you would allow Lancashire into North Britain would you?
We all hate Tories here.
1 January 2010 at 16:36
All very much agreed with the exception of the use of the word "unfortunately" in the context of Sir Alex being trampled underfoot.
1 January 2010 at 20:05
Kaz - Absolutely! The Chairperson of Aberdeen University's Young Socialists was from Manchester y'know..
Rog - Urm yes, I used the word "unfortunately" because I believe there's a MRS Salmond. I'm assuming she didn't marry him for his expense account...
1 January 2010 at 22:04
This all sounds good to me, gypsy lady. In support of Kaz (and in the spirit of self-interest) I'd hope this would be the old County Palatinate (i.e. everything north of the Mersey).
I understood "The People's Friend" was the gateway to the 5th dimension (where time goes sideways and has a nice cup of tea and some black bun).
2 January 2010 at 05:06
Mr Musgrove - Oh I'm definitely seeing a North British Aura rather than a purely Tartan Vibe...
The People's Friend was actually a portal to an alternate REALITY, rather than time. Although I can see where the confusion comes in...(generally amongst its readers methinks)