OK, I'm going to SHARE something...
But it's a SECRET OK?
If this gets out ... well if anyone ever hears about it...
Blogging Community: Oh you can tell us!
No seriously.. it's embarrassing.
BC Yay!... erm no oh , I meant you can tell us....
If anyone at work hears it... I'm DEAD
BC. {Deep sympathetic} Oohhhh
And in these times, God I shouldn't even be talking about it , never mind blogging it.
Deep silence
.....
Deepening silence from Blogging Community , who, are already remembering STUFF they have to do...
......
OK, look I'm sorry about this... but...
...
Patience of Blogging Community appears to wearing thin..
....
OhGodI'mgoingtobesorryaboutthislater...

I really like my job. I'm really enjoying what I do. No really, for the first time in umpteen thumpy years, I'm not getting depressed on Sunday nights... I'm not dreading Mondays... See me, I'm all fired up about the projects in hand, the budgets, the stocktakes, the Bank Review Panel. I like my team of fellow weirdos. I like the policy wonks on the third floor, the ego driven marketing team, and the "who knows what the hell they do" admin team next door.
Check out the seminars and conferences!
International Financial Reporting Standards for SME
IFRS for SMEs Hwo to convert from UK GAAP
Cross Border Charity Regulation in Scotland
And next week I get to go on the Tax Update course!

I know.. I know.. I know you're thinking WTF? HOW did this happen??

BC Got that right Macy!

Yeah, yeah, the pay's realtively shit, and the vendetta beetween me and the Head of IT is shaping up nicely. But see, when you've had crap jobs for the past 20 years, when you've been through the Work-65-hour-weeks-or-we'll-say-you're-crap culture of Big American Banks. My god, some kind of record seems necessary.

Even if I've now jinxed it, by saying it.

BC D'ye think it's the Karma?

Wouldn't it be nice to think so?
Dunno.

Macy: Ned?.. Ned??? Oh for god's sake! DOWN!!! Off The Sofa Now!!














Ned sighs deeply, and executes slow and theatrical climb off sofa...


Macy: Right. We need a WORD.














Ned: Walkies? Walkies would be a good word...

Macy: No. A word about habits.

Ned: Eh?

Macy: Yeah HABITS. I mean, god knows, I'm easy going enough, I've got used to the pawprints through the house, the drinking out the toilet and the War on Postmen.

Ned: Goes with the turf blue eyes.














Macy: But will you quit with the pawprints on the furniture too? And the curtains? How the hell does anyone get pawprints on the curtains?

Ned: Warned you about the postman sweetcakes!

Macy: And the pigs ears under the pillow in the spare bed?

Ned: Small stuff toots. You're sweating the small stuff.

Macy: And the lab up the road? Can we just for once, just once, for god's sake, meet the blonde lab up the road without you shagging her?

Ned: Ahhh Cassie...













Macy: And can we agree, can we try and agree that when we're down by the pond and I start yelling and howling at you, that you stop eating the decomposing rodent?

Ned ...

Macy: Me screaming is not a sign for you to gulp the last bit of its haunches down your throat.

Ned ....

Macy: Because you know what's going to happen. You're only going to barf it all up again back home.

Ned: Chill dollface.. I'll lick that lot up later.

I know. I know. I'm imagining the headlines now.

Constant Blogger's Silent Shame
Macy enters third week of silence.

Shameless.
Drama Queen Macy refuses to comment on accusations she has abandoned blogging community.

Macy Who?
Blogging Community Ostracises Silent Macy


Stay tuned though.. here comes the horoscope

If Claire Petulengro is WRONG I'm going to be deeply upset.

October 20th 2010 is not a Good Day chez Macy.

Nothing personal against every October 20th mind. God knows, the sun is shining as brightly and the sky is as clear as it was last October 20th, and maybe every October 20 since the beginning of time for all I know. Difference is this October 20th is the one I know that marks the day Wayne died. This year I know he is dead.

Last October 20th he was heavily sedated and we had already been told that he wouldn't be waking up again. Last October 20th the Cherub was sitting in with his dad under sedation, telling him about his new X Box game, and how it was just pasta for dinner that night.
Last October 20th I was telling him we were rooting for him.

Last October I knew he was dying. I just didn't believe it. Not deep, deep down, heart of hearts.

I knew he wasn't going to see Christmas.
I knew that the hospital bed was being imported into the house for him to die on.
I knew the big send off from the hospice when he left to come back here was his last trip out of there.
I knew the Big Bang drugs we had in a sealed box were for the final sedation.
I just didn't believe it.
Just didn't believe it deep down.

I mean obviously one one level I believed it. I was phoning and mailing friends and family to keep them up to date, if anyone had asked me how he was doing... well I wouldn't have pretended all was fine with the world would I?
But deep down, deep deep down, nah. Bad stuff like this doesn't happen.

And here's the thing. It really does take a year before you finally finally believe that he really really is dead, and is not coming back.

The hardest part is knowing AND believing that he really went out there and died on us.

Horoscopes.
Yeah right
So much bunk there's no point even discussing it.

Indeedies.

W died on the 20th October last year.

This one made me cry on the bus to work.