The Cherub's been fine.
Really.
Yep, it took us all by surprise too. What with him being so close to his dad and all.
But, give or take the odd teary moment watching a sad film. Fine.
No really. FINE. Nothing to talk about. No Need.
FINE.
Too fine. I thought.
And I was right. Because the results from his prelims are just starting to trickle in - and they are looking BAD.
Not "need to try harder this Summer" bad
Not "well at least it's a pass" bad.
Not even a "what the hell happened?" bad
No, for the first time in his life, my child has turned in an earth shattering, phenomenal, unbelievable "What? You're kidding? Is that some kind of school record? BAD.
As one of his teachers said (and why is always the older teachers who seem to notice these things?), "it's as if the jet lag's worn off lately".
16 November 2010 at 20:56
Poor kid. I suppose it's entirely normal though under the circumstances, for stuff going on in his head to affect other things. Maybe he just needs to talk to someone besides his mum. You know what kids are like with telling their parents anything.
Then again, maybe it'll repair on its own. Good luck with it though!
16 November 2010 at 23:00
What VA says.
And a bit more good luck to go with it.
17 November 2010 at 07:01
Veg & Mr Musgrove - I know! I've suggested talking to someone a couple of times - only to be told No. He's FINE.
Websites like Zig Zag and Winston's he could check out? No he's FINE.
Maybe if he could find a new word instad of Fine...
17 November 2010 at 13:46
Ah... masculine "FINE."
Time. And opportunities for him to talk to other people about absolutely anything or everything except...
17 November 2010 at 18:41
Kevin - Absolutely. Like his old man in a lot of ways.
17 November 2010 at 19:12
The 'prodding and poking to get a result' way just doesn't work with kids.....he will need to talk to someone, at some time, when he is ready....you just have to continue to be there for him.
I know I am a stranger but I'm wishing good things for you both.
17 November 2010 at 22:21
Libby - Thanks! Next week we are off to TALK with TEACHERS, to see what can be salvaged.
17 November 2010 at 22:38
Good luck with the teachers. And remember, there was a time when everyone's favourite word was 'fine'. He's got time, but may need a push in the right direction. Hope all goes well.
18 November 2010 at 01:20
He's male. We're all fine. I've been fine since my sister died last year. Just ask my wife!
Some of us take longer than others to be 'not fine', I know I was just too ok for a long time after my Da died. But the dams did eventually break, and the healing did start. It was hard for people around me though.
Much love to both of ye. :¬)
xxx
18 November 2010 at 08:47
18 November 2010 at 08:47
Mme DeF - thanks. You know this is where there is a complete silence from child rearing experts...
Mapstew - Sometimes I think half the world is walking around "Fine". Then my imagination really does fail me with the whole enormity of that.
18 November 2010 at 11:22
Weirdly, I've had two long term relationships with men who lost their fathers when they were children... they went through bad patches, but worked through it. It's how it is... I think it's repressed anger... and all that sort of psychobabble... but they both turned out okay in the end.
Sx
18 November 2010 at 19:30
Scarlet - Spookily enough I met W just after HIS father had died. We sort of bonded over that, because I'd lost mine only six months earlier.
Two people in Aberdeen's best real ale pub, both up from London, both just back from SE Asia, both missing their fathers. What's the odds?
18 November 2010 at 19:50
A friend of mine was 'fine' throughout her particularly shitty divorce.
She describes it as being Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Exhausted.
Sums it up.
As a mum whose teenager has gone through rough times and a child recently lost her dad, my heart breaks for you.
Everything is salvagable. He's still breathing in and out. Bad, in this instance is to a certain extent to be expected.
If I may offer some advice? Give him very clear boundaries and enforce them, especially when he kicks off. And try to keep him busy.
Men deal with emotional issues differently. They're actually another species we just happen to be able to breed with. He'll work through it. Drag him out for walks and love him lots.
All will be well. Eventually.
In the meantime, there's wine.
19 November 2010 at 09:15
Sorry to hear that, he's certainly not a happy bunny. I couldn't begin to give any advice, that sort of personal trauma is hard to unravel. Maybe some intensive counselling would help. Or maybe as Scarlet says, he'll just work through it in his own way and in his own time.
19 November 2010 at 11:02
Everybody talks good sense. I think the most important thing for him is to feel your love.
19 November 2010 at 12:30
I was too busy hiding my grief from my parents, trying to support them when my brother died--too busy to see my Father falling apart before my eyes.
Things seemed so much easier to grieve alone---but to finally talk to my parents seemed to lift a weight from all of us
Men, big or small are brooders
21 November 2010 at 19:57
Roses, Nick, Pat, Clyde - ALL WEEKEND my broadband's been acting up....I suspect BRITISH Telecom is sending a message to SCOTLAND.
Apologies for not getting back to everyone's kind comments.
Clyde - your comments especially re bottling everything up to save your parents' feelings were especially from the heart.
Nick and Pat - you'll be joining Roses and I in a glass of virtual wine this evening then?
22 November 2010 at 17:32
Ugh. Boy gave me his nasty flu-bug-thang. So tonight I'll be having a hot rum toddy. Oh yeah, I don't have any lemon or honey. Right. Rum it is.
Keep hanging in there honey. You're doing fantastically well, even if you don't see it at the moment, you are. Trust me on this.
24 November 2010 at 17:12
Damn, I missed the virtual wine. Or did you save me a glass?
24 November 2010 at 20:46
Nick - Erm no... wouldn't want it to go off or anything.. Maybe Roses is getting mulled wine in for Christmas?
25 November 2010 at 08:18
Don't laugh, I bought a box of red wine.
I tell myself it's great for cooking with...
25 November 2010 at 17:13
I never did like red wine. And it makes Jenny's teeth go grey.
26 November 2010 at 08:23
Nick, in that case you are my new best friend. People keep giving me white wine as a pressie and that stuff gives me heartburn. You have the white, I'll drink the red.
26 November 2010 at 19:51
Roses and Nick - OI!!!I drink wine too you know!
Only white though. So it must be all round to Roses...
27 November 2010 at 13:55
Oh hush, Macy.
We hadn't forgotten you...
*pours Macy a cheeky little cheeky little chardonnay into a large glass*
Have some munchies to go with that: olives, bombay mix or anchovies.
3 December 2010 at 00:05
I'm a bit late to the discussion (sorry!), but I do hope that teacher will be in the picture for awhile.
(Pours glass of virtual white for Macy)