I am an accountant. Technically, if you want to be really, really picky about this, I am a Chartered Accountant (Institute of England and Wales if you want to check it out...).

It's my dad's fault - he told me I'd never stick it...

He could have told me I'd never make it as an astrophysicist, an architect, an anthropologist, but no, he had to tell me I'd never be an accountant.
Of all things...


I know

No, actually it's worse than that...

But you know, it's a handy enough trade. World always needs number crunchers, yadda yadda yadda. World might not want to hear what you did all day, but you know world pays the going rate.

Trouble is you can be too NICE to be an accountant. It's like plumbing. World always needs plumbers and accountants at the WORST times. At SHORT NOTICE because there is a CRISIS which will ENGULF them. Sensible plumbers set very high call out rates to keep their weekends and evenings free. I don't know what sensible accountants do.. because I keep hearing from people in the shit.

People who forgot they had a tax return to do..people who thought that Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs and Companies House, and the Charities Regulator would all go away if they just ignored them for long enough.

No. I don't know how these rumours start either.

And I am too NICE to tell them it's Not My Problem. I Am No Longer in Practice. I have a day job which takes up enough of my time, and provides enough various and odd numbers to amuse me all day (and some of my weekends) thanks very much.

I have tried. I have tried to say no. I have produced sets of accounts which show eye watering losses, I have completed Business Plans which show this person is a blintering idiot and shouldn't be loaned any more money. I have ruthlessly weeded out non deductible expenses from tax returns...
And still I get the desperate e-mails.
Because I helped out last year and the year before because I am an idiot who is too NICE. And cheap.. because I am NICE.

Today there was yet another development. Despite having said no, and ignored the e-mails..I got a large brown envelope from the Wee Glasgae Church... stuffed with the usual incomplete sets of bank statements, random invoices.. and scary official forms.

Plumbers have it easy. No one can send them a blocked sink in the post.