It's like a fog, slowly forming overhead, and steadily getting thicker until it blocks out the sun.
Until everything becomes duller than you remember, or just harder to do.
The one constant is the voice saying "What's the point?"
And I know this isn't the most brilliantly original description of depression - but bear with me here. I'm typing on regardless of the voice telling me this is a load of crap.
It's not unexpected. Apparently lots of bereaved people get depression (who'd have thunk it?), and the good old Heart Manual even devotes a chapter to the depression you can expect following a heart attack.
It'll pass - it'll pass because it has to. In the meantime bear with me. I have been visiting your blogs you know - think of me as the one sitting huddled in the corner for now.
Until everything becomes duller than you remember, or just harder to do.
The one constant is the voice saying "What's the point?"
And I know this isn't the most brilliantly original description of depression - but bear with me here. I'm typing on regardless of the voice telling me this is a load of crap.
It's not unexpected. Apparently lots of bereaved people get depression (who'd have thunk it?), and the good old Heart Manual even devotes a chapter to the depression you can expect following a heart attack.
It'll pass - it'll pass because it has to. In the meantime bear with me. I have been visiting your blogs you know - think of me as the one sitting huddled in the corner for now.
7 July 2011 at 09:07
You are always most welcome to huddle in a corner in my comment box. I will be the dribbling wreck sitting opposite!
SX
7 July 2011 at 09:39
You're bright as a button! And a button should never be depressed.
7 July 2011 at 11:18
Bummer.... have heard this can happen.
Please huddle at my place anytime - the earthquakes will kick start you :)
7 July 2011 at 12:11
Stupid life throwing nasty situations out there and expecting us just to cope! Pfff! Feel better. I know it's hard and pointless seeming sometimes but it WILL pass. I'm having a bout of "not especially happy" myself at the moment. Let's all go to a tropical beach or something till it passes.
7 July 2011 at 12:34
I've just been reading about Charlies black dirt fog in Arizona and thought you must have the same.
The good thing is that you recognise what it is and that is a sure sign that it will pass thanks to your own grit - for want of a better word.
Sending you warmest wishes and hugs.
7 July 2011 at 17:20
Having nursed many heart attack patients, I know what you mean. It doesn't make sense, does it? Just when you should be shouting "whoo-hoo, I survived a heart attack", the black cloud descends. I guess you just have to keep telling yourself that it is common, it is natural and yes, it will pass...oh and read a few rude , sarcastic blogs if you can (ahem) think of any...:)
7 July 2011 at 19:10
Glad you made yourself type...and hope that you get through and feel better and come out of your corner in your own time....want a 'through the ether' hug? sending you one anyway....
7 July 2011 at 20:47
Oh honey. As you know, I've been there more than a few times. The best remedy I've yet to find are the corners of the friends you can huddle in.
I feel for you my darling. Life has thrown you a bloody awful couple of punches. Who says you're supposed to be otherwise? Not me. That you keep going is a testament to your strength.
Come and huddle round mine, any time you like. You have my e-mail address, you can find me on Facebook, failing that there's always the old fashioned telephone. E-mail me your phone number and I'll be there on the other end.
Hang in there honey. You're on my List! xxx
7 July 2011 at 20:55
I agree with Pat's wisdom:
"The good thing is that you recognise what it is and that is a sure sign that it will pass thanks to your own grit - for want of a better word."
You're always welcome to lurk at my dump.
7 July 2011 at 23:16
Stop huddling (whatever that exactly may be) this corner!
The point is ... to be alive. To use it. As long as it may be - it's a great invention that we do not know how long we live, there's a ton of wisdom in this fact, besides all the fucking payne.
The point is to use what one has, to use it good - whatever this may describe and mean in your personal sight of the world, existance and everything.
The point is not to loose oneself. Because after all the crap there is a self. It is here, it is worth it, and you are in full command of it.
I guess that's it in a nutshell. At least as I understood so far.
8 July 2011 at 07:58
The thing with our depression is - it's ours. And that makes it personal.
Sigh. Well, I hope it won't take too long, just long enough for you to be okay =)
Kane
8 July 2011 at 21:08
Sigh… Bad luck there kid.
Take receipt of this big bag of virtual hugs, together with a big bag of virtual fizzy cola bottles (non-fattening, for the use of).
Depression's a bastard and no mistake.
Give us a lurk whenever you want.
9 July 2011 at 01:05
Big hugs from over here. I've been depressed a time or twelve myself. Recognizing that it will pass counts as a huge triumph as far as I'm concerned.
My blog's going to be bloody boring for huddling in for the next little while - though you can look at the pictures and dream of fresh bread. But I second Rose's suggestion of emails, Facebook connections, whatever works for you. You've got a fine bunch of friends here. We'll get you through!
11 July 2011 at 20:48
Serious depression is dreadful by all accounts. Fortunately I'm not prone to it but I feel for those who are. I guess all you can do is struggle through it till you leave it behind you.
14 July 2011 at 22:45
Hey hippy you. How're you doing?
*sniffs*
Yep. Definitely patchouli.
16 July 2011 at 03:45
Hmm, I found that the corner wasn't so comfortable---there seemed to be no point to it.
I seemed more satisfying to take the pooch for a long walk and have a rather severe conversation with whatever "almighty" could be within earshot.
A few tears when the wind in the eyes can be blamed never seem to go astray.
The simple joys that a dog finds with a stick or sniffing the ground and the smile on a childs face show you how uncomplicated life is---you just have to live it---and how hard can that be.
Oh, and we're always here to laugh at your stumbles
XO