So how is the Cherub doing?
No idea. Really. I'm his mum and I HAVE NO IDEA.
But then I have no idea how he's supposed to be either. If this is "A Journey" as so many would have us believe, the best that can be said is that it's certainly a journey without maps.
He was close to his dad. It was W who looked after him each day after school, and W who took him to badminton, football, rugby matches.
His dad was also much better than me at playing on the XBox. But so far he hasn't cried much.
He was crying quietly as he held his dad's hand on the last couple of days, but trying not to let W see. The night his dad died, he cried just a little bit. At the funeral he didn't cry at all. But then I don't know if he should. He is 13 years old, and most adults prefer to do their crying in private.
On the night his dad died, he sat up with myself and Sparkle till about one in the morning. Then we sat up in his bed reading old picture books and Dr Seuss. He was sleeping when his dad's body was carried out. Luckily. Because they had trouble getting the stretcher through the hall.
And since then, you know, he keeps on going. We've looked out a picture of his dad for his room. We avoid watching TV programmes which remind us of W - Family Guy, The Wire (W had just got addicted, but never got to series 4). The Cherub is resolute in NOT wanting to go visit his dad's old flat. But equally upset if he hears of photos and things being given away.
I don't know how much of this "being OK" is a front, and how much is his still being in shock at what happened.
This week he's been laid up on the sofa. He has a temperature, no appetite, and no interest in anything other than old DVDs and telly.
I think it's finally caught up with him.
18 January 2010 at 20:35
My heart goes out to him, and you, as always. I have no idea how anyone deals with this, but he has always seemed the most sorted boy in what he's done since. I know nothing about this subject, but with a mum like you, he stands a good chance of being fine.
19 January 2010 at 07:44
Mme DeF - thank you. I'm actually GLAD I have no job right now, so I can put in the time with him. Just don't tell HMRC's Revenue and Benefits division.
19 January 2010 at 21:29
I have no answers, either, but it sounds like you and he are doing a pretty good job of being there for each other.
20 January 2010 at 21:42
my heart goes out to both of you
20 January 2010 at 21:50
My heart breaks for you both. Big hugs from afar.
21 January 2010 at 07:36
Mr Musgrove - think of us as a small tight knit team of two - led by Ned.
nursemyra and Peach Tart - Thanks as always. Though I am trying not to do the sad or maudlin posts too much.
21 January 2010 at 13:54
Ned's the guiding genius, eh? Suspected as much. (-;
You be as sad or maudlin as you need to be. Just remember to have a pot of tea handy at the time.
21 January 2010 at 14:45
My Boy is 16, I'm a single parent and if I could, I'd pop around with cake and a bottle of wine.
Grief hits people differently. It sounds like he's followed your fine example and has been putting one foot in front of the other.
It's really good you're with him now. He knows you're there if he needs you and hopefully will come to you for cuddles if he needs be.
21 January 2010 at 15:54
As Roses says, grief hits people differently. Confusion, sadness, bewilderment and anger... they all come at different times.
Sx
22 January 2010 at 17:34
Mr Musgrove - Sadly yes. He is also under the delusion that he runs Cheesetown.
Roses - ANYTIME you are in the neighbourhood... I have a wine lake crisis since the antibiotics over Christmas.
I may need guidance on raising a teenage boy yet.
Scarlet - Thanks. Yes, and to your list we also have that thumping great depression, which says "What's the point?"
24 January 2010 at 19:36
Macy, I think Cherub is doing as well as it's expected. And, really, no one knows what to expect in this situation other than a sense of a profound loss and stiffling sadness that come and go, and come back again, only to lessen with time, but never really completely going away. I think.
Hope he's doing better, physically, now -- no temp 'n all.
25 January 2010 at 09:03
Elizabeth - thanks. Today no temperature, but still off food.
Back to our nice (free!!) doctor.
27 January 2010 at 12:12
There is an interesting article on grief and bereavement in this week's New Yorker -- I immediately thought of you and Cherub while reading it. Check it out when you have a moment.