Internet dating?? Oh yes... OK, but just because I'd been nagged into internet dating, didn't mean that all standards were going to be dropped.  Just because Ange from the office said I should do something, didn't mean I should do anything, so to speak. 

And because I didn't have hours to spend on this nonsense I came up with a very efficient filtering system: behold. The following were vetoed outright

• Any candidate without a photo.  Because, call me cynical, but there must be a reason for that..... and  a pig in a poke doesn't appeal
• Anyone without witty banter.  
• Any candidate who posted pictures of himself doing yoga poses (oh yes... this man is out there.  And for those interested the photos change regularly)
• Anyone who is currently "separated"  Because my guess is that you're not - at least mentally - yet.
• Perversely anyone who is single with no kids  Because what would it say about anyone if they got to their fifth decade without one single meaningful human relationship? This is going to change now?
• Any adult using text speak.  Just coz.  lols
• Any man wanting to meet at "lady".  For this bepeaks a quiant atittude methinks. Hey.  It's my rules.
• Anyone who is teetotal.  Because I'm not.  And the idea of sitting through evenings where I'm "allowed" to drink has zero appeal.
• Anyone who smokes.  Because, I'm sorry I just can't anymore.
• Anyone who can't string more than three sentences together to describe himself.
• Anyone who is looking for "loyalty" in a woman.  I sense control issues a mile off here.
• Anyone who isn't solvent enough to buy a round
• Very importantly, anyone I couldn't imagine wanting to sit next to.  For I am superficial and looks matter. Not my looks obviously...
  

I know, I know, I know, I've been slow, and there you are wanting ANSWERS.  What can I say?

Er, well, the answers?   Here goes.. (new readers better start here)

Question 1.  

Question 1

Correct answer = B Not Accrington
Although the world agreed that I wasn't going to Accrington (why?? what does everyone know about Accrington that I don't??), 28% of you fell into the trap of thinking it must be Helmithdale.

Tsk. As if I'd be that obvious.

I was going to another wee suburb of Manchester, that was not Accrington.



Question 2. 

Question 2

Correct answer = C An inexplicable interest in fell running -
*sorry there was a typo.  This should have read an inexplicable interest in a fell runner
Tricky one this. And, I know,  if I'd typed "fell runner" in the first place, all might have been clearer.

No. I didn't have plans.  I had hopes. That's different
No I didn't have a great singing voice, or at least not till the drive home.
And yes, Miss Pat "Marples", did suss I was having a blog meet with Mr Musgrove, but Mr Musgrove, lovely, and northern and all as he is, doesn't do fell running.
And yes I know that was tricksy.  But I don't care because, see Q3



Question 3. 

Question 3

Correct answer = D Keep up this cryptic schtick for some time yet
Yes answer D is the only answer possible, because IF I TALK ABOUT THIS MUCH I WILL JINX IT
And it is currently much too much fun to jinx.  Which is why the answer to question 4 is...



Question 4. 

Question 4

Correct answer = No photos
Aw c'mon.  This was a gift!  A gift! When do I ever post photos on this blog??? And with this fringe???
So congratulations to those who chose no photos/ normal service.
And shame on you, those who wished tears before bedtime on me.

And, erm, sorry, but there are no refunds given on these quizes ever.

That's right.  I'm Not Here.  I'm off for the weekend. Braving snow and freezing winds to head south.

South of Cheesetown!

For this weekend only The View is a self service blog, a blog-ateria  if you like.
I know... radical.

Just, you know, pick your answers from the options below.
Have fun
Play nice
x

Nothing.
There is nothing (nothing!!) that can be done in the face of this unmitigated disaster.
Nothing.

Look!  No on second thoughts, don't look! Take my word for it instead why don't you.  Learn from my mistakes.
When a hairdresser is in mid story about his trip round Nashville, and how he's got engaged and all. Don't listen to a word.
Do not take your eyes off the mirror
Do not ever on any account forget to tell him that the fringe must be past eyebrows.
Do not smile encouragingly and nod your head at the same time.

Because

Because otherwise you will end up with a runty fringe that makes you look like wee Jimmy Krankie

You heard it here first

Shakespeare is out. Because, I mean, why?? why would you keep books of the plays?
Accountancy textbooks are out.  Because I've been doing this stuff for years.  By now I could write better ones myself.
Unused cookery books are out (Hugh Fearnley Whittingsall, it's not me, it's you),
Travel books are out.  Because most travel books are out of date before you even leave the airport.
Books in translation are out.  Zola, Gorky, Dostoevsky.  Sorry guys, it was good at the time....but you are so heavy
Anything pre 19th century seems to be also doomed if it isn't in the Penguin Metaphysical Poets collection. Especially if it is Scottish. Yep Burns, and  Sir David Lindsay.  I'm looking at you. You should have gone years ago, along with Spenser, and Milton and Dryden.
Anything modern that is I was glad to get to the end of.  Sorry Amis. It will be no consolation to you guys that McEwan and Barnes are staying I know....

Hey how's this for a definition of irony?   I've finally got a bigger house with more room for the book collection, and then decided the books need culled.

I can't go on this way. 
I can't kid myself that I am ever, ever going to re-read this lot before I shuffle off into some Sunset Retirement Home. I can't keep buying more and more bookcases. I can't keep looking at yellowing books and thinking why

The book hoarding started way back.  My dad who was a reader, and a hoarder, encouraged me.  He regularly put up more and more bookshelves for all  my books. Which annoyed my mother no end. And the books became a Bone of Contention, until my dad died (this was unrelated to the Book Wars) and my mum sent all my books down to my flat in London.

When I moved from London to Edinburgh, the books, and several other  boxloads of books read in the interim, moved with me. And in every move, from the flat in Edinburgh to the house in Cheesetown, from Cheesetown to Glasgow, from Glasgow to Cheesetown ever increasing boxloads of books have moved with me.

And then last week that's right, one month after I  moved into the new house, I called a day on it.

If I couldn't see myself re-reading it, it went. How many retirement home residents do you see reading Ane Pleasant Satyre of the Thrie Estaitis.

Yeah.  Thought not..