And because I didn't have hours to spend on this nonsense I came up with a very efficient filtering system: behold. The following were vetoed outright
- Any candidate without a photo. Because, call me cynical, but there must be a reason for that..... and a pig in a poke doesn't appeal
- Anyone without witty banter.
- Any candidate who posted pictures of himself doing yoga poses (oh yes... this man is out there. And for those interested the photos change regularly)
- Anyone who is currently "separated" Because my guess is that you're not - at least mentally - yet.
- Perversely anyone who is single with no kids Because what would it say about anyone if they got to their fifth decade without one single meaningful human relationship? This is going to change now?
- Any adult using text speak. Just coz. lols
- Any man wanting to meet at "lady". For this bepeaks a quiant atittude methinks. Hey. It's my rules.
- Anyone who is teetotal. Because I'm not. And the idea of sitting through evenings where I'm "allowed" to drink has zero appeal.
- Anyone who smokes. Because, I'm sorry I just can't anymore.
- Anyone who can't string more than three sentences together to describe himself.
- Anyone who is looking for "loyalty" in a woman. I sense control issues a mile off here.
- Anyone who isn't solvent enough to buy a round
- Very importantly, anyone I couldn't imagine wanting to sit next to. For I am superficial and looks matter. Not my looks obviously...
The results of this filtering were unsurprising. There was no suitable candidate within 300 miles of Cheesetown.
The second bit of bad news was that the Only Candidate was living just outside Manchester and didn't want a long distance relationship.
Lesser women would have given up.
The second bit of bad news was that the Only Candidate was living just outside Manchester and didn't want a long distance relationship.
Lesser women would have given up.
Applied about 1/3rd of those filters and took a punt. Take a punt.
ReplyDeleteI think I'd struggle with the three sentence thing... would be: Short. Lives in Devon and er... short....
ReplyDeleteSx
standards, sugarpie1 it's all about standards, no need to just settle for less than what you want and deserve! xooxoxox
ReplyDelete[puts hand up]
ReplyDeleteI can do three sentences!
Tall. Lives in Texas. Likes cats.
To list "loyal" as one of the things the guy is looking for in a woman is truly pointing to the control-freak-direction. One can't expect loyalty from someone one does not even know yet.
ReplyDeleteAgree very, very much on the smoking and drinking filter, too!
A sure fire way of responding to text speak in grown ups is to finish all your replies with 3 random letters. It drives them mad thinking how uncool and ignorant they are LFV
ReplyDeleteTim - Trouble is I think I might have met too many punts already...
ReplyDeleteScarlet - Somehow I doubt that you'd be stuck for three words....which picture to use; yes. Stuck for words: no.
Savannah - Thank you! Though I might have to work on patience first...
LX - Three sentences? Just like that? I suspect you have had some practice...
Librarian - You know this don't you! And don't start me on men looking for a woman half their age either..
Rog - WOT. WOT also drives them mad. Possibly for different reasons though.
I disagree...there is a suitable candidate within 300 miles of Cheesetown. The universe just hasn't sent him your way yet. Patience and persistence. The universe will deliver.
ReplyDeleteLawks! How scary. I think all your filters are very valid. I might have to add one in on the topic of personal hygiene though...
ReplyDeleteYoga poses. Yuk! My friend said there was a guy who meticulously divided up the bill - on coffee! - eject button. Why are there so many great women out there - three of my friends are single and never been married - and so few men?
ReplyDeleteLibby - You have much more faith in the universe than me. Mind you,I'm the one currently living in the Cheesetown area...
ReplyDeleteCurry Queen - Hard to apply that one online - though the photos give some kind of clue as to how often they wash....
ALW - And don't get me started on why so many great women are with terrible men either....
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ReplyDeleteRog and I were one of the original internet romances - we have been together 16 years this year! Google wasn't even around when we met.
ReplyDeleteMy priorities looked like yours Macy, but I should have included "no interest in wordy jokes and puns" in the list. I did have not wanting a long distance romance. I was in Lancaster and Rog in Norfolk, but somehow he talked me around.
You forgot obedient or able to be trained.
ReplyDeleteReally, starting again is a minefield but we start off with more expectations than we ever did before.
I tried a newspaper connection service with a voicemail contact---what I saw in my add was not what others saw. I met 19 to 51 year olds, anorexic to obese, short medium and tall, single, separated, married and divorced. I have no idea how you can forget that you have children, are being stalked by a violent ex or you are working as a hooker.
But, I must admit, I found my perfect partner----and as long as she gets her walk on the beach, regular meals, a good brushing and occasional flea powder, we are very happy together.
Oh, sorry, I smoke
One must have standards.
ReplyDeleteI've never dated online. Nope, not me. I only meet my men in bars...
Pearl
Witty banter - very important. Nothing worse than being stuck with someone who's dead serious about everything all of the time.
ReplyDeleteI remember a blogmate whose constant problem was what she called Dual Universe Daters - men who act convincingly single and available but who turn out to have a secret wife and three kids.
Bless you heart.
ReplyDeleteShould I become single again, I'm so nicking your categories. Trust an accountant to be so logical and rational with the veto process.
You've no doubt remembered my adventures in internet dating...but The Viking has got engaged to a lovely, lovely lady who he met through uniformdating.com
It works for some people. Fingers crossed it works for you!
xx
keep going, even if just for the comedy blog fodder x
ReplyDeleteYour filters are excellent. After finding the Only Candidiate, why would you let a little thing like 300 miles get in the way?
ReplyDeleteThis story is going to run and run, I hope :)
Good filters! TDN! Except the 3 sentences, if they were funny I wouldn't necessarily dismiss them if all other filters applied, I mean, who wants a wordy man? As long as it says, good at DIY and obeying orders ...
ReplyDeleteYou might have to compromise. Maybe just eliminate everyone who can't string together two sentences to describe themselves. I mean they might just be very modest. Or dull. Or lazy.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe.. on second thoughts.. you could move somewhere else....
How did I miss this post? I shouldn't be laughing really but I think your filters are entirely reasonable. Can't you get yourself on one of those speed-dating things - you could have a tick box and just shout 'NEXT!' every few seconds.
ReplyDeleteMacy, be my Valentine! [mmmmwhaaa!]
ReplyDeleteI think you have the right idea-
ReplyDeletestick to your guns and be careful.
It's a jungle out there.
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ReplyDeleteMacy - you need to write a book about your dating experiences, people love reading about all that
ReplyDeleteYou've been very quiet: he's not taken you for a run over the tops has he?
ReplyDeleteHellooooooooooo? anybody out there?
ReplyDeleteAre you still with us?
ReplyDeleteHi i google his picture and this name pop up he has friends on my space his name is Bobby Thomas Sheafer lives in texas age 40 this scummbage scame me i am the one that posted the first
ReplyDeleteSingles Events
I think I might get filtered out if I were on there. I do love me some yoga posing, especially in my tight stretchy yoga pants. Yep. No, I can't bend that much without suffocating myself. But seriously, I have no kids and there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it. That'd rule me out right there.
ReplyDeleteMacy, I do hope you and the Only Candidate are having so much fun you've forgotten all about blogging, and your devoted public :) x
ReplyDeleteYears ago I stipulated that
ReplyDeleteposers, jokers and the needy need not apply.
O, I also said, ‘must be solvent’ and 'utterly house trained'.
Guess what, i got what I wanted. The one who became The Beloved said it was my absolute clarity about requirements which made him apply.
All others ran screaming.
Merry Christmas
ReplyDeleteEin gutes Neues Jahr, Macy !
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, Macy!! We need an update, hope everything is good with you.
ReplyDeleteLove Sxxxxx
Be my Valentine!
ReplyDelete[mmmwwwaaahhh!]
Be my Valentine! MMMMWWAAHH!
ReplyDeleteLong time no blog... which is a shame, but hope you are ok and life is good
ReplyDeleteMerry Xmas
Xx